The Antidote
Creativity calls us to the world
I don’t know when it started exactly…but sometime between waking and sitting down to my computer in the morning, before I’ve even done much, checked socials, worked on writing, thought about book marketing or anything else, it’s like someone’s been letting the air out of my balloon. My shoulders sag, my eyes glaze over, my body becomes unbearably heavy.
It’s neither overwhelm nor fatigue precisely, though it’s got a leg in each of those arenas. (No, the abhorrent state of the world isn’t helping either, but there’s never been any shortage of that).
I tried to cast back to when I didn’t feel this way, what was different in those days, and I realized that, despite my best intentions to keep the digital noise out, I really haven’t been. From an overflowing email in-box to a FB feed that blares bad news, from Instagram reels offering shiny lives and career advice to the fact that I work online, keeping one digital foot in the flow, so much of my life of late is spent looking at a screen…and so little interacting with the actual world.
It’s no wonder that when I actually stop to stare at the birds in my crepe myrtle, I am mesmerized by their antics, the shading on their wings, caught in the rhythms of the way they nibble there or swing on the powerlines.
It’s no wonder that when it comes time to exercise, I don’t want to sit on my stationary bike in my dim garage, but to slap on a hat and walk outside, letting sun warm my cheeks and fresh air fill my lungs.
***
Part of the balloon-sagging-feeling is also that of falling behind as I watch people succeeding in areas where I have the same skills—yet I’m resisting the hustle that would be required to match them. It hit me that this is the point of the marketplace, to make you feel constantly inadequate so you will keep spinning your wheels, buying or selling, selling and buying. It’s an attitude that goes against why most people make art, write.
I like to imagine (forward or past) a world in which creativity has no monetary value whatsoever, one in which you simply cannot make money at it, because it is, instead, a hallowed (yet ordinary) act. As holy as an act of divine worship, and yet as regular as brushing your teeth. In truth, being creative is those things. We brim with it when we allow it the room to arise. It is invited by silence and awe, by adventure and pain. It creeps forward when we pause. It’s when creativity/ art are forced to become commerce that things can go off the rails.
In a season where I am about to fledge my only son off to college, where nearly 18 years of his big, messy, beautiful life has condensed in a blink, like some planetary event, I’m reminded that we have to go out and touch grass, watch the birds flit about, meet people and meet the world, if we’re to have anything to write about. When I can’t write, I read or take in other art.
Human connection and creativity are parts of the antidote to this feeling I’m having. What about you?
Are You A Midlife Writer Seeking Support?
”Write the Pause” Circles coming in September, 2026
I have an exciting new offering starting in September for women and non-binary writers in or around midlife who are feeling stuck, fallow, frustrated, overwhelmed and more and would like support and accountability for a writing practice. I will also be teaching short versions of key topics tied to the book through Sibyl Writing Craft.
“Write The Pause” Circles will:
Meet weekly in quarterly rotations. (Looking at Tuesdays or Fridays, for three-month cycles).
Offer writing support and accountability
Engage in discussion around short readings
Offer writing craft instruction
Play with generative writing prompts and share work
Write The Pause will be great for people who:
Want support beginning, finishing or getting unstuck with a writing project
Seek support from other writers in midlife
Need weekly accountability
Feel isolated or disconnected
Want to make progress on a project
Interested? Please fill out this short Google Form.
Weds, May 27, 6pm. Book Karaoke: Open Mic Series Begins
The first of SCRAWL’s events kicks off Weds, May 27, 6 to 8 p.m. at Ancora Vino. Sign-up to read or just come to listen. Our theme is “Mother/Lode.” To get on the list for SCRAWL events, sign up here.
Sunday, May 31. I’ll be with Sibylline Press, booth 107, at the Bay Area Book Festival in Berkeley.
Jordan, I can so relate to your sentiments and the emotional tug of war. Naively, I took the path of the creative, a lot like the Fool in the Tarot, stepping blindly off the cliff, my eyes giddy with eagerness and joy. Eventually, the noise of selling the book comes in. I mean, I wrote to be read, and so the reality of that settled in, and I realized, Oh, I'll have to practically drop all the creative stuff to learn the business of it all. It reminds me a little of Wordsworth's lines:
"The world is too much with us; late and soon,
Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers"
But now, each day, I'm trying to set aside those moments to stop and feel the life around me. We are visiting our son in Oregon now. He lives in the forest, and we walk together. Quietly, we walk, listening to the choir of birds. I can't even see them, but I know they are up there somewhere, flitting among the Douglas Fir! How restorative is this!
Most days I'm fairly positive, because I'm busy. But I'm a little stuck on the second book in my series. Spending all my time on socials, writing reviews, or editing the writing I've already done rather than writing new pages. But lately, I've been to too many funerals. Spent too much time reaching out to prop up friends who have lost loved ones, and feeling my age. So yes, this rang very true for me. Thanks, Jordan.